I know anger can escalate quickly, and it isn’t always easy to slow yourself down once you’re already upset. Maybe someone says something that feels disrespectful, or you receive a text that immediately gets under your skin. Before you know it, you’re angry and ready to react.
When my clients share that they are trying to control anger, I remind them that anger is a normal emotion. You are justified in experiencing your emotion; however, you cannot let it lead the show. When you’re angry, the goal is to give yourself enough time to understand what you’re feeling before deciding what to do with it.
Here are a few anger management techniques you can try in those first few minutes.
1. Pause Before You React
The first action I encourage clients to take is to stop and give themselves a moment.
Use this time to tend to yourself, to check in and give yourself what you need. Try telling yourself:
“I’m angry right now, and I don’t have to respond yet.”
Even a short pause can help interrupt the urge to react immediately.
2. Slow Yourself Down
When you’re angry, you may notice your body reacting too. Maybe your heart is racing, or you’re holding tension without realizing it.
Take a few slow breaths and give yourself a moment to settle.
When managing anger, the goal doesn’t have to be, “I need to stop being angry.” I think a more realistic approach is:
“Let me calm down enough to decide what I actually want to do.”
3. Check What You’re Telling Yourself
Sometimes our thoughts make an already frustrating situation worse.
You might immediately think, “They don’t respect me.”
Before accepting that thought as fact, put your thoughts on trial and ask yourself:
“What actually happened, and what am I assuming about it?”
Maybe you are still upset, but now you’re giving yourself room to understand the situation before reacting to it. That is an important part of controlling anger.
4. Say What You Actually Mean
Once you’ve slowed down, think about what you really want the other person to understand.
Instead of saying, “You never think about me,” you might say:
“I felt frustrated when the plans changed. I would have appreciated knowing earlier.”
You’re still honest about your anger, but you’re expressing it in a way that’s more likely to be heard.
5. Ask Yourself If This Can Wait
I encourage people to ask themselves:
“Do I really need to have this conversation right now?”
If you’re too angry to communicate productively, it’s okay to step away and return to the conversation when you’re calmer. You will be in a more logical state when you return, which sets you up for success.
Sometimes managing anger means recognizing that right now isn’t the best time to solve the problem.
Give Yourself Time to Practice
I wish there were anger management techniques that could make anger disappear in five minutes every time, but that isn’t realistic. In those first few minutes, you can interrupt the escalation and take more control of what happens next.
With practice, pausing before reacting can start to feel more natural. And if anger regularly feels overwhelming or is affecting your relationships, enrolling in an anger management program like Anger Management 818 can help you better understand your triggers and develop healthier ways of responding.
The goal isn’t to avoid anger. It’s to learn what your anger is telling you and have more choice in what you do with it.
Shamika Anglin is a dedicated and compassionate anger management instructor at Anger Management 818. With a deep understanding of emotional regulation and conflict resolution, she guides individuals through their journeys to healthier relationships and improves communication skills.
Known for her empathetic approach, Shamika creates a safe and supportive environment for individuals to develop effective coping strategies. Driven by a passion for mental health and a commitment to making a positive impact, Shamika continues to encourage the importance of anger management and mental wellness. Whether working one-on-one or facilitating group sessions, Shamika is dedicated to helping individuals achieve lasting positive change in their lives.
